TERROR DAKTILE

Friday

GLOBAL SWARMING

OOOH, IT'S SO EASY BEING TERROR. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW RELAXED OUR MORNING BRIEFINGS ARE THANKS TO AROMATIC BOLIVIAN COFFEE, MISS LAURA'S OVEN BAKED APPLE STRUDELS, AND, MOST UBIQUITOUSLY, A SHOT OF FRESH STEAMING HOT TERROR. SOMETIMES THE CLOUDS PART AS IF GOD'S OWN EXTRA LARGE MITTS WIPED AWAY HIS HEAVENLY WINDSHIELD AND SPAT A SWARM OF STEEL-COLD SWOOPING TERROR DAKTILES, B. THERE IS NOTHING IF THERE IS NOT A TERROR DAKTILE TO RIP THE FLESH FROM OFF THE BONES OF THE UNBELIEVING, B. I'VE HAD MY FACE DRAGGED IN FIFTEEN MILES OF SHIT AND I DO NOT LIKE IT. BOLT YOUR DOORS AND DRAW YOUR SHADES, B. CAN THE TUNA. SACRIFICE THE FAT ONE. THEY ARE THEY AND ONLY TERROR IS I. GET FAMILIAR, B.

Tuesday

WHITE OUT

OOOH TERROR. DRACONIAN METHODS. THE CELLER OF TERROR HAS A COMIC BOOK COLLECTION AND LEX LUTHER IS A JIHADIST. LEO STRAUSS IS NEIL STRAUSS, USA IS CLARK KENT. THERES A WATER PUMP AND A LITTER BOX BUT YOU CANT HAVE GROCERIES AND CLEAN LAUNDRY AT THE SAME TIME. CHOOSE RIGHT QUICK. THE KINGDOM OF TERROR IS DIFFERENT. WE BE ON YER TREES, BRO. WE BE SCOURING LANDFILLS TO EAT GOATS WHO ATE SCRAP METAL. I PERSONALLY THREW OUT THE FIRST PITCH IN A LITTLE LEAGUE GAME ON THE WHITE LAWN. DONT GET JEALOUS WE'RE ONLINE, WE LIKE TO LOOK AT THE ARTICLES. I'M SWOOPING RIGHT NOW. YOU HEAR THAT WHISTLE THAT SOUNDS LIKE THAT SNOOP SONG, ITS EXACTLY NOT THAT SNOOP SONG, ITS EXACTLY ONE THOUSAND TONS OF TERROR DAKTILE ON YOUR FACE. ENDLESS SWOOPING, B. DONT GET TOO CLOSE TO THE HOTTEST CORE OF TERROR, THE HOT PINK LIQUID HOT CORE. TEE BONE DAKTILE, B. I SWALLOWED THE SUN AND MY PARROTS NAME IS MERCURY.

Monday

CONTINENTAL DRIFT

TERROR DAKTILE, B. SAY IT DON'T SPRAY IT. I PUT THE BOP IN THE BOP SHEW OPP SHEW OPP. I WAS THAT MAN, SO SHAKE MY FUCKING HAND. PSYCHE. I PULLED IT BACK AND WIPED THE SIDE OF MY HEAD WITH IT AND SAID PSYCHE. IM JUS CLOWNING, B. I GOT NO HANDS. BUT IF YOU WANT AN AIR SHOW OF EPIC PROPORTION, IM YOUR TERROR DAKTILE. CAREFUL, BEFORE YOUR LOCALE IS THRASHED BY SOME NATURAL DISASTER, THOUGH. A LITTLE TOO NATURAL, THESE DISASTERS THESE DAYS. I WONDER IF ATOMIC BOMBS BLOWN UNDERWATER AT BIKINI BEACH AND ELSEWHERE PERMANANTLY FUCKED UP THE EARTH ON THE TECTONIC PLATE TIP, B. AND THEM ICE CAPS IS MELTING. BETTER SHIPPING ROUTES THOUGH. TERROR WITH A TEE. YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED? ASIDE FROM A CERTAIN WILDOUT FIRE BREATHING DAKTILE MOFO, YOU ASK? NEW OIL REFINERIES, B. WHATCHA HEARD! YOU KNOW USA HASN'T BUILT NEW OIL REFINERIES SINCE THE 1970S? ITS LIKE USA FORGOT BOUT OIL FOR LIKE, EVER. WHATEVES, IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME I'LL SPLIT YOUR GUTS ONTA THE FLOOR. AND I'LL MAKE SURE IT'S A CARPETED ROOM SO YOUR GUTS AT LEAST STAIN THAT SHIT. YOU DESERVE THAT. GET A MEDICAL BILL AND A NEW DECORATOR, BITCHES.

OOOH TERROR.

Sunday

CUMULONIMBUSES

OOOH TERROR.

WHAT IS YOUR AUDIENCE MY GIRL ASKED ME, A QUESTION TO WHICH, OF COURSE, I HAVE NO ANSWER BECAUSE I HAVE NO AUDIENCE. WELL, THERE'S A BUTTON ON MY USER PROFILE THAT COUNTS THE NUMBER OF VISITS TO THE SITE AND THAT SAYS 16 SO I GUESS MY AUDIENCE IS SIXTEEN PEOPLE ONLINE, I SAY. AND SHE LAUGHS THAT PRETTY LAUGH SHE KEEPS AT THE FRONT OF HER MOUTH, IN HER LIPS PROBABLY, A KNOWING LAUGH THAT SAYS, I KNOW, YOU ARE FUNNY. ALL I NEED IN THIS LIFE OF SIN, ACCORDING TO TUPAC, WAS ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND. TELL NO LIES TO THE BLOODY END, JUST TUPAC AND HIS GIRLFRIEND, WHO WAS, IT SEEMED, MOONLIGHTING AS A GUN. AND THEN JZEE AND BEEONSAY CAME THROUGH AND MADE A POP EUNUCH OF EVERYTHING. NONE OF THIS IS SAID TO MY GIRL AND OF COURSE WHAT TIME WOULD THERE BE TO DO SO ANYWAY, THIS IS TAKING PLACE DURING A LAUGH WHICH JUST ENDED. I WRITE FOR MY FRIENDS I GUESS, I CONTINUE, ANSWERLESS. BUT THE CHARACTER IS AN ALLEGORY FOR ANY MODERN GOVERNMENT, MOST ESPECIALLY OUR OWN CURRENT ONE. NO, BUT WHO DO YOU IMAGINE WILL SIT DOWN AND READ THIS, YOU KNOW, ONLINE, I HEAR FROM THROUGH THE HEARING PIECE. MY GOD, I THINK, WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE AND WHY ARE THEY SO FUNNY LOOKING AND LONELY, IN THEIR ROOM BY THEMSELVES, WITH A WALKIE TALKIE MAYBE, OR NOT. HEY, I SAY, THAT'S MY AUDIENCE YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. BACK THE SHIZZLE FROM MY NIZZLE, YOU FEEL ME MY WEEZEE? SILENCE FROM THE HEARING PIECE. AN OBVIOUS ANESTHESIA HAS TAKEN HOLD OF HER LAUGH FULL LIPS. I HEAR HER CHEWING A CARROT, OBVIOUSLY A CARROT, AND SO I SAY, A CARROT, HUH. I HAVE TO GO NOW, THE HEARING PIECE GOES. OK. A HOTPINK LIGHT AFFIXES ITSELF TO MY RETINAS. SEE YOU.

HEAVY PRECIPITATION

OOOH TERROR.

THIS IS THE TERROR DAKTILE IN THE NEST, HIGH ABOVE Y'ALL SITTING PRETTY. I'M TERRIBLY SORRY FOR THE CONDITION Y'ALL'S IN BUT YOU CAN'T BLAME ME FOR THE SWOOPING AND THE CLAWS, NAH FOOL, I DON'T SUFFER YOU. I'M DAKTILE BY NATURE, BITCHES. AND YOU HEAR MY WINGS FLAPPING ABOVE YOUR TREETOPS, YOU MAY LOOK DOWN THE STREET LOOKING FOR AN ESCAPE PLAN FROM THIS FACTUAL DAKTILE BUT I'M YOUR ESCAPE PLAN, I MADE THE SAME LAP WITH FLIGHT PRECISION, YOU AN ENVIOUS PILE OF BITCHES, BITCHES.

GET RIGHT TERROR DAKTILE, SON. SAY IT BEFORE YOU SLEEP SO I DON'T SWOOP IN THROUGH YOUR WINDOW WHILE YOUR FOLKS IS RECITING BEDTIME STORIES THROUGH LYING TEETH, GRITTED LIKE MY GRIP IS RIPPING OFF SHOULDERS, BLADES OF THE INFESTED MASSES, COWARDS SHOULDLESS AND NOW ASSLESS, TOO CLOSE TO THEIR OWN FEET TO SEE A WHOLE IN THE SKY AND PEEP THIS DAKTILE FLYING ONASSIS, WAITING FOR MY TIME TO ENLIVEN HEAVY EYES VOYAGE TO SUN SETTING AN GET THE STRAIGHT SIGHTLINE. YOU NEED GLASSES AND YOU CLASSLESS.

SOLDIERS OF FORTUNE FEEL THESE MILLION POUND CLAWS IN YOUR BACK. YOU'RE A BLOOD SPURTING FOUNTAIN, A MODEL IN YOUR TRACKS WHILE I'M OFF TEARING FIBEROUS MATERIALS FROM BONES ON THE SEA SHORES OFF DONKAYMAN ISLANDS RESORT.

IS THE TERROR DAKTILE SINGING NIGHTLY NEWS SONGS TO YOU AND YOURS OR ARE THE BOMBS SPLIT BETWEEN THE SHEETS OF JURISPRUDENCE GONE ON. YOU JUS GOT DAKTILE DROPPINGS IN YOUR EYE FOR LOOKING AT ME WRONG.

BUT SERIOUSLY, KEEP MY DAKTILE DROPPINGS IN YER MOMMAS SAFE FORE THIS TERROR IS GONE, WE BE WEEPING WILLOWS AND CREEPING LIKE CELLOS ON TRACKS THROUGH YOUR STREET SWEEPING LAWNS, I'M TERROR DAKTILE AND I PLAY WITH JUNIOR GONG, CASE YOU DON'T REPEAT YOUR MISTAKES THE TERROR IS WITH A TEE AND DAKTILE IS OF DONKAY'S HOME. I'M FREE LIKE GERONIMO, LIMBER AS BUNDY'S PLURAL - SELLING SHOES, PACKING DUECE, COMPANION BULLS - PROOF OF SENSE ABILITY, MY ELDER STATESMAN DELIVERY AND COURSE NO COURSE IS TAUT WITHOUT A THOUGHT ABOUNDING FROM THE KILLER T. AS IN DAKTILE, A FRACTAL ACTUAL RAPTOR THAT'S AFTER YOU IN THE VW, I'M SO X RATED YOU DON'T KNOW Y, I Z ACROSS YOUR CHEST TO SPILL ALPHA BETTER RHYMES. PUT YOU IN THE NURSERY WHEN YOU CRYING. STEAL THE CHILDREN OF YOUR CHILDREN'S CHILDREN'S OLD WIVES TALES PASSED ON THE WIRES, WHICH YIELD TO MY CLAWS AND BEND TO DESIRES UNPRONOUNCEABLE, I WILL POUNCE YOU FOOL, AND LIMB FOR LIMB LIFT THE MOST PRECIOUS ABUSE, IMBUED WITH A SPECIAL COLOR COATED SPECTRUM OF HUES. REMEMBER TERROR DAKTILE. WE FROM AFRICA, JUDAS.

HELLO, THIS IS THE OFFICE OF TERROR DAKTILE. I'M SORRY, YOU ARE OUT OF BUSINESS. LEAVE THIS MESSAGE.

AND I'M OUT.

100% CHANCE OF REIGN

OOOOOH

ITS BEEN TOOO LONG SINCE THE TERROR DAKTILE WAS LAST SEEN ONTHA SCENE OOOOOOOH.

BUT SERIOUSLY, T.D. HAS BEEN VACATIONING WITH SOME ACADEMY FRIENDS IN THE DONKAYMAN ISLANDS. TERROR DAKTILE, BITCHES. BRING ME A PINA COLADA WITH A TWIST OF DAKTILE OOH.

I SEE YOU'VE BEEN CHECKING OUT THE HOTPINK TERROR AND YOU LIKE IT. AND IF YOU DONT YOU'VE GOT A KNOCK ON YOUR DOOR THERE, GO GET IT, ITS THE MAIL PERSON AND THEY'VE GOT A REGULAR GROUND SERVICE DELIVERY (5-7 BUSINESS DAYS), AND IT'S A BOX FULL OF TERROR DAKTILE, BITCHES.

T.D. MY WINGED COMPANIONS, T.D. SHOUT OUT TO MY DONKAY NIGGAS, Y'ALL SOME G'S ON THE BACI BALL TIP, I RESPECT THAT.

CAN YOU TASTE THE DAKTILE IN THIS ENTREE SIZED SERVING OF TERROR. TASTES LIKE HOTPINK, BITCHES.

AND I'M OUT.